From birth to adulthood, you teach your child to be polite, respectful and responsible. They answer with “yes, ma’am” and “no, sir.” They say please and thank you and you teach them not to talk to strangers or engage in activities that could put them in harm’s way. So, when should your child be allowed to do things on their own?

Now, let’s set the scene

Your child is playing outside with some friends when approached by a stranger who offers them ice cream and a tour on the truck. Your child hesitates, but then they cave in and steps inside the truck. Or maybe your child receives a text message in class with answers to a test. They read the message and then mark down the answers. At that moment, you realize that everything you’ve taught them has gone out the window. Are they ready to go out on their own?

Normally, between the ages of 8-12, tweens start to pull away from their parents and want more freedom.

So, how do you know when your child is ready for more independence?

According to the U.S. Department of Education, there is no right age for children to be allowed to do things on their own; rather, it is about responsibility and maturity. The Department
of Education advises that parents set limits, are clear when they speak, give reasonable choices, give independence in stages, guide (but resist the temptation to control), let kids make mistakes and make their actions have consequences.

Baby steps

The best way to give your child independence is to take baby steps. Yale School of Medicine says if your child wants to walk to a friend’s house, walk with them the first time. Then, walk them halfway until you feel comfortable letting them go themselves. Another solution is to test your child. Go to the store with them and allow them to look at the toy aisle when they ask. Check on them to see if that is where they really went. Take small steps until you, and they, are comfortable with the new freedoms they are asking for.