The bond between a mother carrying her child typically starts when that baby is in her womb. While the connection between a dad and baby is just as important, it may not begin until the baby is born. Experts say that ensuring dads form a bond with their baby is vital.
Why Dad Bonding With Baby is Important
“Successful father-infant bonding during the immediate postpartum period has been shown to have several benefits for the infant: it reduces cognitive delay, promotes weight gain in preterm infants and improves breastfeeding rates,” according to the Association of Women’s Health, Obstetric and Neonatal Nurses. “It is [also extremely] important for a father to interact and bond with his newborn. [It can help] reduce the risk of paternal postpartum depression.”
Forming a bond between dad and baby may be a challenge. So much of the emphasis is placed on the attachment of mom and baby, especially if mom is breastfeeding. However, there are ways for dad to more easily connect with baby. This may be necessary if mom requires postpartum medical interventions like post-c- section care, has difficulties from birth or experiences depression or mental health issues.
“There needs to be a balance.”
Mom Cheryl Farris suffered from medical complications after her baby’s birth. She was physically unable to perform a lot of those first tasks with her newborn.
“I think there’s so much emphasis on mom and baby bonding time now that it’s easy for dads to be pushed aside,” Farris said. “There needs to be a balance. My extreme delivery complications prevented me from caring for our daughter much of the first two weeks of her life. My husband had to step in and perform a lot of the tasks that moms typically do like cuddling, feeding, diapering, dressing, her first bath … and taking her to her first pediatrician appointment.”
“It [was] heartbreaking, but also beautiful at the same time because we are both so attached to her now and each share a unique bond with her,” she said. “By necessity, he saw early on that he was quite capable of and excited to meet her needs.”
How Dad Can Bond With Baby
One of the often-cited ways of dad bonding with his baby is skin-to-skin contact. This is sometimes referred to as “kangaroo care,” and researchers have proven this to be quite beneficial for both baby and parents. This can be initiated with both mom and dad while in the hospital. Dad can take over if mom is having medical complications or is still in surgery due to a c-section.
A National Institute of Health (NIH) study found that during the first three days postpartum, a group of dads who had skin- to-skin contact for at least 15 minutes with their babies scored significantly higher on the father-child attachment scale. The researchers concluded that fathers “should take an active role in caring for their newborn in order to enhance father-neonate interactions and establish parental confidence.”
The importance of touch
“Touch helps baby feel safer and can even help reduce how often they cry,” according to HealthPartners insurance and health care. “Your body can also help baby regulate their temperature and heartbeat. This a natural ability that both moms and dads have. Skin-to-skin touch also provides tons of other benefits for baby. These include improved mental development, reduced stress and possibly a lowered risk of obesity in the future. For dad, this kind of touch boosts the ‘feel good’ hormones, endorphins and oxytocin. These create feelings of love, protectiveness and happiness.”
For moms, skin-to-skin contact was cited often as a means of dad bonding with their newborns. (See sidebar for more details).
“He had a lot of skin-to-skin and baby wearing, especially in those early days,” said mom Keri R. Duesing-Fowler. “He stayed home with us for a few days, and while I rested, they bonded. It was beautiful, and their relationship is something I could’ve only dreamed of.”
HealthPartners reassures new dads that “bonding can seem a lot more difficult than it really is. You’ll be surprised how many skills you already have that can make you a natural at taking care of and bonding with your baby.”
Other Methods to Bond With Baby
Early interaction after birth
Early interaction after birth, according to Lamaze International, a non-profit working to advance pregnancy, birth and early parenting. “Play with newborn in the first hours after birth and make eye-to-eye contact.”
Get involved immediately with caring for baby at home
“Don’t be afraid to begin immediately caring for and loving your baby. The more you hold your baby, the more comfortable and natural it will feel,” according to the Association of Women’s Health, Obstetric and Neonatal Nurses.
Paternity leave for Dad
Paternity leave is thankfully something more businesses are offering as a benefit to new dads, and it’s important for parents to explore their options when it comes to staying home and helping to care for both baby and mom. “Parents are entitled to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid time off in the first year after the birth (or adoption) of a child according to the Family and Medical Leave Act and still have job protection,” according to Lamaze International.
Create a routine
Create a routine with baby with parenting tasks like bathing, bedtime dressing and changing diapers, according to Scripps Health. This can also include giving baby a bottle and taking over the “night shift.” This allows tired moms to recuperate from birth and pregnancy and take time to rest.
Reading and singing
Reading and singing to baby can create a familiarity with dad’s voice. “Newborns and young infants are fascinated with the sound of human voices and are very comforted by being held close and listening to the voice of their father, safe and familiar,” according Lamaze International.
Babywearing
Babywearing takes a break from mom as well. According to Lamaze International, “Most babies love to be worn, and when a father does so safely it is a chance to further strengthen the bond between a father and his child.” Always be sure any carrier meets safety guidelines for the size and age of your baby.
Personal Stories
Moms shared the ways their partners or husbands bonded with their babies in the early days.
He did skin-to-skin time after birth; now he changes more diapers than I do, and I think this has actually helped. He feeds our daughter with a bottle while I pump during the night.
– Melanie Scott
Dad learned to soothe baby without my intervention: skin-to-skin bouncing was huge from infancy on as was dad bathing the baby. Baby is now 9 months old and trusts daddy completely.
– Elise Rochelle
When we were pregnant, my brother-in-law suggested that my husband do the night shifts with our newborn because it was a great time for bonding. My husband did it well, and I 100% believe that’s what helped develop their bond!
– Stefani Nixon
My husband did lots of night shifts while I was up pumping. He also did tons of diaper changing, which resulted in him even getting the first giggle on the changing table! Though I was super jealous, I’ll never forget my baby’s first giggle for Dada!
– Merissa Armkraut Maimo
My husband fed my daughter a bottle while I napped, which was so helpful but also let them bond. He would also do a lot of the skin-to-skin time with her since I needed to often take care of myself in other aspects (pumping, nipple cream, sleep, shower, etc.) I think he really enjoyed the skin-to-skin calm time.
– Payton Rausch McWilliams
Seconds after my baby was born, I was hemorrhaging bad. They pulled my baby off my chest and gave her to dad for skin-to-skin while I was in the operating room. Well, seven weeks later he is now the one who can put her to sleep or calm her down. I love it because while I did the work for 9 months he is now physically helping.
– Purpl Skye
The impact of skin-to-skin contact
I think dad doing morning skin-to-skin while I slept helped a lot. Also, emphasizing one-on-one time with dad and baby is important. I know a lot of friends had dad feed the newborn/small infant a bottle before bed for bonding time too.
– Kelly Berryhill
He did skin-to-skin, and he was changing diapers
more than I was at the beginning. Both my kiddos were c-section, so I couldn’t just hop out of bed right after. He was ALWAYS the one who put them to sleep; he had the “magic touch,” but to be honest, it was because he had bonded with them early on.
– Pamela Bedford-Morris
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